[ Free Adult Personals ] [ Home ] [ Webmasters ] [ About Us ] [ Links ] [ Sitemap ] [ Chat ] [ Contact Us ]
The Friend Barometer
by Curt Degenhart
A friend can tell you a lot about a person. Nowhere is this more apparent than
when you're getting to know someone romantically, whether you're a man or a
woman looking for love.
Friends are people we choose to have close to us, unlike co-workers or family
members, who, in their own ways, are typically imposed on us through mere
coincidence. Friends reflect how we like to see ourselves. They enjoy our
company. They know our quirks, and have learned to live with them. We are
usually the best we can be in friends' eyes, admired, respected, and understood
better by them than by anyone else we know.
So what do friends have to do with finding a mate? A great deal, if you know how
to use them. A female Match.Com member recently sold me on the importance of
meeting the friends of her prospective boyfriends: "If you go out with
someone, you can learn a lot by seeing how they interact with their friends. If
it is obvious that a guy's friends care about him, that's good--they know him
better than you do. It also helps if you respect his friends and find them
interesting." Of course, the same is true of women and their friends--you
can tell a lot by how they interact.
So how does the friends barometer work? Below, I've outlined some benefits and
drawbacks of using this friends tool.
Meeting 'The Friends' Is Great For:
Knowing you're important to your new mate. When you get introduced to the
friends, it means either you've got great potential (yeah!), or you're a trophy
(boo!)--you'll have to figure that out later. However, if you never get to meet
the friends, then there are no friends or you aren't worthy of them. Time to say
goodbye?
Seeing what he/she is like around others. This is especially important if you
meet someone online--you get the chance to see how he or she stacks up socially
with peers, not just one-on-one in email, over the phone, or at some back table
in a restaurant.
Learning how your mate treats friends. Is he/she talkative, open, trusting, and
happy? Sounds like you've found someone who knows what it takes to maintain
close relationships. How your date treats her or his buddies could be a sign of
things to come for you.
Meeting 'The Friends' Isn't So Useful When:
You really like your date, but could do without the friends. Knowing you don't
get along with your lover's friends can be a real drag, not to mention
stressful--they could be people you're going to be seeing a lot of.
You find the friends more interesting than your date. Do you cut your losses and
move on, or continue the romance, waiting for the moment when you can go after
the friend you've got your eye on? Could get ugly.
The friends always seem to be around. You could be just a minor blip in your
mate's life, while the friends get most of the time and attention.
A friend hates you. If a friend persists in not liking you, you might have a
situation where your mate is asked (or maybe forced) to choose between you. It
has happened! You might as well forget the whole thing if more than three
friends say you're no good.
The Limits of Friends
Meeting the friends isn't a tried and true way of telling whether you and your
new mate will find bliss. It is only one of the many tools in the arsenal. If
things don't go well when you meet them, don't despair. Just like any new
introductions between people, things can be awkward. Friends can act like freaks
when they're nervous with a newcomer in the room (you!). Or maybe they're
insanely jealous that their friend finally found someone as wonderful as you.
On the other hand, the friends could adore you. In that case, you're in!
Everyone likes you and you look better in your new mate's eyes--what more could
you ask for?
So, if you're getting to know someone romantically, it's never too soon to go
out and spend some time with friends as a group. Just think of all you could
learn.
You can never have to many friends. Make new ones at Match.com!
Please direct comments and questions to mixnmatch@match.com
Mix 'n Match Copyright (c) 1999 Match.Com Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
[ Free Adult Personals ] [ Home ] [ Webmasters ] [ About Us ] [ Links ] [ Sitemap ] [ Chat ] [ Contact Us ]